This morning while listening to a coworker explain his version of reality and events I realized one very important fact. People appear to lack imagination, creativity and problem solving skills. OK, maybe not all people but for the most part it appears that it is a large swath of the general population. Large enough that I end up dealing with them daily at some point. Not saying I am a magnet for the stupid who want to test their level of stupidity. I would never go that far. I simply run into more then a few of them on a daily basis that it has tainted my view of the average jackass walking down the street. I simply fail to see how many of these so called humans managed to exist for so long without the loss of fingers, toes, arm, legs or their very fucking lives. Possibly Luck just so happens to favor the stupid as part of an effort to get us to one day kill ourselves with nuclear or biological weapons as a last ditch effort to save the planet.
Anyways, before I go down that path and tell you how you are all doing to die one day in a puss filled boil created from some sort of mutated nuclear fallout I will get back on track. I realized that even some of your very favorite sayings are in fact wrong. Think about it, you know the ones. The ones that are catchy little hand me down sayings from your parents who were equally without originality. The "you can't nail jello to a wall" or "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink". I'll continue with "spare the rod and spoil the child". Well, OK maybe that one has proved to be accurate. However that doesn't mean the others are valid. The grass is always greener is another nice expression. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. Every cloud has a silver lining and lets not forget to each his own.
First off you are an idiot if you without question believe that you can't nail jello to a damn wall. Yes, an idiot. I know you will say that it isn't a liquid or a solid and it would just tear apart if you tried to nail it to a wall. Yep, right there, that proves you have zero ability to think through problems. I can nail jello to a wall. Fuck I did it the other day just to test my theory that it could in fact be nailed to a wall. Don't believe me? Well then let's put some money on it. You must donate $20 to the local SPCA when I prove you are wrong. Wrong like the jury at the Casey Anthony trial. How pray tell did I nail jello to a wall? I froze it! Yep, it was that damn simple. I froze that shit using some dry ice that came with some Omaha Steaks. Sure, first I froze it a little in the freezer and then used the dry ice but that shit still got solid enough to be nailed to a wall. Actually it was a tree out back but the point remains the same. I proved you can nail jello to a wall. Oh and remember to make that $20 donation.
Next up we have the old myth that you can only lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I haven't actually put this one to the theoretical test but I am pretty damn sure it would work if push came to shove. How would I do it? Simple, not give the fucking horse water for an entire day. By the time I lead the horse to the water that son of a bitch would drink its ass off. If it happened to be a stubborn horse then I would get a beer bong, jam the hose down its throat and begin pouring in the water. Oh, it would certainly be drinking then. Yep, that old saying is wrong. Anybody can lead a horse to water and make it drink. All they had to do was think shit through a little. Problem solved.
They say that the grass is always greener. Often it is. You know why? Some asshole isn't already living on that side of the fence. Isn't grazing and eating the shit up. If they are then they are likely taking care of that side of the fence by watering the damn thing. Perhaps if you got off your lazy ass and took care of your side of the fence you wouldn't have a reason to look on the other side. You might think it is greener but you'd just fuck it up once you got over there anyways. Not likely you would even know what to do with that side of the fence. It is much like people that move out of the city in order to escape the congestion and to live in the country. Only then you start to pave over the countryside in order to make it resemble the place that you just came from. You could ruin a wet dream so it is best if you stop looking at the other side of the fence.
I just don't get the expression about if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. I can totally prove that one wrong. It doesn't even take much effort. I saw this very thing on late night TV once. What is the second thing that walks like a duck and quacks like a duck? A Yiffer. Yep, one of those people that gets off on dressing up like animals. They roll around in "Yiff Piles" and get their furry clad rocks off. A bit like Pony Play only more involved and it requires a complete costume rather then a strap on horse tail and a ball gag halter in your mouth. Not really sure how far back the whole Yiffing genre has been around for but it certainly throws a wrench into the old assumption that it was a duck. It just might be some deviant human in a duck costume.
Clouds are said to have a silver lining which is stupid. They clearly do not have a silver lining. You can look up in the sky and see that much for yourself. Some clouds have funnel clouds coming off the bottom. Some clouds are full of acid rain. I can offer a bit more evidence that not all clouds have a silver lining. How? Night. I've never seen a silver lining on a cloud at night. Mostly because of the lack of fucking sunlight you moron. Don't go saying moon light because that isn't a silver lining. That is simply the light from the moon making the cloud partially visible. No need to go on saying such stupidity. There is no silver lining. There is just some morons who are too stupid to come up with a better reference for things being shitty but offering a glimmer of less shitty times ahead.
Finally we come to the age old and annoying saying of "to each his own". Yeah, no shit. If everyone was doing it then there would be no disagreement and therefore no reason to talk shit about that person. Then if you really wanted more reasons not to say it then how about rapists, killers, politicians and any other less then honorable person? Do you say to each his own in reference to their sick desires? Oh, him, he only likes to rape children. I don't, but to each his own. You see how fucking stupid that sounds? If I said I wanted to jam a lit bottle rocket up your ass, spray your eyes with pepper spray and push you down on a fire ant mound would you be so generous as to stop your screaming and remind me of "to each his own"? Probably not. Be able to stop screaming that is.
You see some of the oldest and in my opinion most idiotic catch phrases that are still in use today simply need to be stopped. If you ever gave them a bit of thought you too might easily find a way to disprove such sayings. In fact, I hope you do. The fewer jackasses out there using them the better. How many of you can come up with some other sayings that you have heard and explain them away as completely inaccurate? I'd love to hear a few of yours.